My Love/Hate Relationship with the Idiot Box

Sophia has written a post mentioning the guilt involved in how much tv kids watch these days. I have to admit, this is something I wrestle with most days. I think the issue is that I wish my kids watched less tv, but in reality it's just too hard to get through the day without it. I need the mental break, and the physical break, just to get the basics done ( cooking and laundry, a bit of cleaning).

My current issue of annoyance with the whole situation is the people who write the reports recommending kids under 2 don't watch any tv – because that's all well and good, but seriously – how are we supposed to manage otherwise? The pressure is put on the mothers to somehow do everything with littlies in tow, which is just impossible. Especially on lack of quality sleep. They should suggest other ways of managing down time, instead of just making us all feel bad about relying on the tele.

It's all very well to say that kids do better without tv, but they don't exist in a vacuum – what if I end up resenting them, don't get dinner cooked, the house is a bombsite (well, more than it usually is anyway!) and I'm going crazy for lack of mental space, meaning I turn into a grumpy mum and wife? Surely it's better overall if they watch some tv while I try to get things under control around the house and clear my head.

I've decided tv can be a good thing when used wisely. I've started putting it on at 8.30am when Sesame Street is running, and I use the half hour to read my bible and pray, and take my various vitamins. I figure if I spent this time looking after myself, it will give me energy and perspective to manage the rest of the day wisely. I also usually put the tv on at the end of the day when I'm getting dinner ready, or running around tidying up, getting ready for baths etc.

It's when the hours in front of the screen creep up to 2 or 3 hours a day that I regret the situation – but as Sophia notes, sometimes you just do what you have to do. A pity that our society isolates families the way it does, meaning there are less people around to share the load of child rearing. And on balance, I know my kids have a pretty good life. A bit of tv doesn't change that.

But still, I wish I could do without quite as much of it!

Health Update

I thought it would be sensible to use some of my time on the train home from work (around once a fortnight) to write my blog posts – gives me a chance to get things down in writing and means all I have to do at home is to post them up.

So, here is an update on Michael's health issues. He's 20 months old now, the same age Hamish was when Michael was born. It's a bit of a spin out! Although much of the last 20 months has been very hard work for everyone in the family, it is becoming easier to enjoy the good bits and ride out the bad.

So – we eventually discovered that Michael reacts to glutamates, a natural chemical found in a variety of foods. Although he doesn't do too well on lots of gluten, it was the glutamates causing the real problems. It took six months to sort out, by a process of trial and error and elimination.

Now that we know what to avoid, life is much easier. He doesn't wake constantly at night, unable to get comfortable. He doesn't get constipated. He has a healthy appetite. He settles easily to sleep and is no longer woken by the slightest noise.

He is still waking regularly at night, because he hasn't had much practise at sleeping alone. By regularly, I mean every 2 – 4 hours. His first long stretch of an evening recently went from 3 to 4 hours, which to me, is the most exciting thing to happen in a long while! I'm confident he will continue to gradually improve, and my sleep is already becoming less and less affected.

When I think back now to how life was before we sorted out the food intolerance issue, I want to cry. I have a strong sense of frustration and almost desperation when I remember how hard it was. Particularly trying to get him to develop good sleep habits – I now know I had no chance given the sort of diet we used to eat, but at the time I tried and tried and tried to get him to self settle, without putting him through controlled crying. (Incidentally, I'm now very glad I didn't push that as all it would have done was cause us both great distress, and not fix anything.) It felt like a problem I couldn't solve, but had to – because the impact on everyone in the family was quite negative. It was a hard road to walk, just exhausting and unrelenting. And if not for a chance comment by our doctor, we might not have figured it out even now.

These days, I am often still worn out but I can see signs that it is getting better and I'm trying to build up my own health after so long of pushing myself. I'm taking a raft of vitamin supplements and am cutting back on breastfeeding – not weaning completely but limiting the number of times I feed Michael during the day.

I have to do more cooking than before – I make healthy, gluten free pancakes for breakfast most mornings, and I usually have to cook something for lunch – can't do sandwiches for Michael as gluten free bread is expensive and doesn't taste all that great. We rarely have takeaway. We can't have meals that have tomato or sauces in them (eg soy sauce is a big no-no, as is gravy). It's all manageable, although more labour intensive than before. Totally worth it for a healthy kid though!

And as for the little guy himself – he is a happy kid, most of the time! He has plenty of energy and loves exploring his world and having a laugh. He eats with great gusto and loves getting our attention at the dinner table. He often laughs as he eats his dinner, because he's done something to make Adam and I look at him. He is sometimes clingy (seemed to be very clingy all winter!) but more often than not, a snack will satisfy him and he's happy to potter around the house. He knows how to get what he wants though – he screeches! He is very demanding (as all toddlers are), and it's up to us to set limits around him as he tests out his growing independence.

Overall, life is much more enjoyable now and I'm relieved to be able to move forward. I still don't think I'm recovered from the experience but we're on the right track.

Reality check

Just in case you think I spend all my time making up fun play activities and enriching the lives of my little boys, this morning Hamish has clocked up 3 hours of TV watching. He's only been up for 5 hours. I'm too tired to do anything much, apart from lie on the lounge. Adam had to get up before 6am to get to work early today, so we all got up early too. I've had really poor quality sleep for the last week (more so than normal!) so today, the TV wins.

I did make pancakes for breakfast though.

Hamish being 'Worker Hamish'

A Story Bears' Picnic

As the boys haven't been able to go to usual activities this week (owing to contagious disease!) I've been finding fun stuff to do at home with them. Yesterday I told Hamish that the Story Bears had delivered a letter for him the night before, when he was asleep. The letter said that the bears were having a picnic that afternoon, and asked if the boys could help them get ready for it.

I had them look around the house to find 6 bears (positioned the night before) holding notes with instructions for activities on them - they had to read some bear story books, listen to a bear song (I bought 'Teddy Bears Picnic' on iTunes), make party hats and streamers, go to the shops for party supplies, make some pancakes, and watch the tv show 'Bear in the Big Blue House'.

This all culminated in the picnic in the afternoon. It was lots of fun, and I was glad to have some pre-planned activities to look forward to throughout the day.

Hamish and the Bears modelling their party hats

Picnicing

Oscar watches on

Michael wondering what I have just put on his head!

Strawberries

Michael feeding a bear some pancake

 

Diagnosis

Well it turns out that the spots and runny noses I mentioned below are an infection called Hand Foot and Mouth disease. Both boys have it, and I'm hoping I don't catch it! They seem to feel a little unwell, but not too bad really. We are staying home all week though as it is quite contagious apparently.

Literacy, Families and Learning

I've been enjoying reading Trevor Cairney's blog lately, particularly his posts about play. Here are a few I like:

The Power of Simple Play

The Importance of Play - Part 3

It's all about time:How busy lives affect families

Another month

Another month has gone by without my managing to post anything here. Sigh. I just don't get the time, although I wish I did. Here's an update on goings on around here:

We had around 6 weeks of everyone being unwell, and it finally passed. For a few weeks. Now Michael has a rash and Hamish has a runny nose again. Ho hum.

Our family daycarer took the boys for a sleepover on Friday night - very generous of her to offer to do it and lovely for Adam and I to have a break from the evening and morning routines. It's the first time I've slept all night in my own bed for around 18 months. It was great, but unfortunately the following night (last night) was a shocker so the sense of rest didn't last long. Still, I am grateful.

I heard Saffy barking strangely the other day and went to investigate - she had baled up a large bluetongue lizard who had backed himself into the pool - his front legs were out but his back half were in the water. I got the dogs out of the way and scooped the lizard out of the water. He didn't look very well, and I wasn't sure if he wanted to be in the water or not. He sat there for a while on the edge of the pool and then disappeared. Saffy is out there now, barking again at something on the other side of the fence, so perhaps the lizard is there.

Story Stones

I really like this idea for a story telling activity. I think the boys would go for it...although I would probably use cardboard instead of stones.

Rice Play

Hamish and Michael quite enjoy playdo. Hamish likes playing with it; Michael prefers to eat it.

Yesterday, I came up with something to stop Michael shoving it in his mouth - I gave him a cup of uncooked rice instead, and a few small containers. He had a great time playing with it, and even though he did eat some, it didn't bother me because I didn't think it would hurt him (unlike playdo which is glutenous). It kept him occupied for a good 20 - 30 minutes, leaving Hamish and I to playdo in peace!

The Pain of Death - and The Hope of the Gospel

At church we've started a sermon series on Genesis. Today's sermon was about the bit where Adam and Eve are cast out of the Garden of Eden for disobeying God.

During his talk, our minister discussed how death came onto the scene and how wrong it is. He said something that really struck me - that death terminates relationships. How true this is. And how painful.

Thankfully, the story doesn't end there in Genesis! He also referred to Romans 5:17: 'For if, by the trespass of the one man, death reigned through that one man, how much more will those who receive God’s abundant provision of grace and of the gift of righteousness reign in life through the one man, Jesus Christ'.

A crop!

I planted a few potatoes some months ago, and have been watching their progress with interest. Only one plant ended up growing well, and I was disappointed to see it die back in the heavy rain we had recently.

Today on a whim I had a poke around to see if it had sprouted anything under the soil, and was very excited to find some potatoes! Only a handful really, but still - wow!

My mind is now filled with the possibilities of a larger crop...we eat potatoes all the time so the thought of growing my own is very appealing.

Play

One thing I've always found quite difficult with my kids is playing with them. Sounds silly, but it's not something that has come naturally to me in the past. Looking back on the first year or so with Hamish, I think a lot of my stress came from not knowing what to do with him to fill in the long daylight hours.

However, a few things lately have brought change in this area. Firstly, both boys have reached ages where play is easier - Hamish is into imaginative play, and will run with ideas quite easily, and Michael is old enough to join in a little and to play alongside his brother more than he could as a baby. Secondly, I've realised that all I need to do is to get down to their level, and get over the idea that I should be doing something else with my time. Play is so valuable - it's not simple babysitting - I need to engage with them and enter their world in order to teach them about mine.


Here's a few things we've been playing at lately:
- The Story Bears. Adam and I thought we needed a 'filler' activity in between brushing teeth and bed, just a few minutes of me occupying the kids so he could get some things organised to make bedtime run more smoothly. So I got a basket and put all the toy bears I could find into it. I told the boys they were the Story Bears, and they would tell us a story before bed. It's been such a hit - I sit down with the boys and we choose which bears will be involved, and which story they will act out. Hamish loves hearing Goldilocks and the Three Bears (he likes playing Goldilocks and gets into bed at the right point in the story, then pretends to jump out the window when the bears return!). I've been using the time to teach them some bible stories too, so we've had the bear version of Zaccheus climbing a tree to see Jesus, Jesus calming a storm, the battle of Jericho, and Noah's ark. Michael joins in by running off with various characters and crying when he isn't allowed to get into the basket (normally because Hamish is already in it!)

- Dress ups. We were given some good dressup costumes for Hamish's birthday, which we have added to by making some monkey costumes from an old stocking, and we bought a doctor's kit. This afternoon, Pooh Bear dressed up as various people (policeman, pirate, fireman) and Dr Hamish gave them each a thorough medical checkup.

Michael modelling his monkey ears

- Outdoors play. Hamish loves pretending to rescue random objects from the 'deep dark forest' - aka the bushes near our front door. Michael loves riding his bike and eating chalk (when he gets away with it...)

Overall I've been surprised by how easy it is to play when I put my mind to it. And how enjoyable! The time passes much more quickly, and I feel like I'm making memories with my kids instead of wishing the hours away.

Beach with the boys

We went to Terrigal Beach today, had fish and chips for lunch, and then played in the sand for a while. Hamish enjoyed digging the sand, while Michael seemed to get plenty of enjoyment out of eating the sand. Hmm.

We saw some pelicans, which Michael was quite taken with, and we also saw two large black stingrays cruising along the shoreline, which was very exciting.

To dispel any ideas you may have about this being an idyllic family outing, let me share that the car trip home was less than relaxing - Michael complained loudly most of the way, and Hamish kept up a constant mantra of 'IwantadrinkIwantadrinkIwantadrinkIwantanappleIwantanappleIwantanapple..." (you get the idea!)

Still, overall it was a good afternoon!

Tucked in

Hamish has a habit at the moment of going to sleep at night completely covered under his bedclothes. As it's winter, there are a lot of bedclothes!

This evening, once again, I checked in on him to see, not a boy asleep with his head on the pillow, but a lump halfway down the bed, under quite a few layers of quilts and blankets. I don't know how he even breathes under there!

I put him back up on the pillow and tucked him in. He barely woke up.

A Special Moment

I had explained (probably quite poorly) to Hamish that Papa had passed away and gone to be with Jesus. I don't think he really understood, but I felt I had to say something as we had previously been praying for Papa while he was in hospital.

A few days after this conversation, Hamish and I were reading a children's bible together and we saw a picture of Jesus holding the hand of a boy. Hamish asked who the boy was, and I said it was a child and that Jesus loved him, just like He also loves Hamish.

Hamish looked at me with very big, excited eyes, and declared "when I go to Jesus, he will hold my hand!"
 

A Few Hamish-isms

Me: We're going to drive on the freeway now.
H: I don't want the freeway, I want the two way!

Me: You're a funny monkey.
H: No, I'm a boy.
Me: You're being very literal.
H: No, I'm big!

Beach

My grandfather passed away on Tuesday night. Not unexpectedly, but still, a difficult time.

The boys are at daycare today, so I went out to Terrigal Beach this morning for a bit of time to myself. Here's some photos I took there:

Ill health

We've all ended up unwell the last few days. It has had its moments, but in a strange way it's almost been relaxing, as I have lowered my normal housework standards. And I decided to just play with the kids and meet their needs as best I could.

And you know what? I quite enjoyed myself. Made such a difference to get down to their level and join in, rather than vaguely participating from a distance and wishing they'd look after themselves a bit more. I'll try to do this more often I think - good for them and great for me! Not so great for the housework, but hey - that's hardly the end of the world, and I'm hoping I can be a bit more efficient at it in the windows of opportunity I get. Working smarter, not harder.

Having said that, I am exhausted. Michael has been really clingy and it feels like he's been permanently attached to me, one way or another. Hamish has been quite contrary - which I know is because he's feeling ill, but still challenging to navigate through. Luckily we cooked a big batch of risotto on Thursday night, which took care of quite a few meals, and sleep hasn't been too bad, given I've been getting up to both kids each night.

I hate it when they cough, especially when it's to the point of throwing up. Michael has done it a few times and it is a bit scary. I think he just gets some mucous caught in his throat, nothing really serious, but still - will be glad when it's over.

Brotherly love

Michael has decided it's fun to hit people on the head with hard objects. He takes great pleasure in it! Poor Hamish has copped a few whacks lately thanks to his little brother.

Last night, Michael got him with a toy spanner, and laughed. Quick as a flash, Hamish grabbed the spanner and returned the favour. The nice thing about it was, that he hit Michael quite gently. More of a tap than a whack.

Was quite sweet really.

Meanwhile...

Michael is unwell, and Hamish appears to be coming down with the same bug.

My heart sinks when I first realise they are getting sick - it means snotty noses, even less sleep than usual, panadol, snot, fess, tissues, snot, etc etc. And of course, that they don't feel well!

It also means you can't go out as much as usual, and cabin fever is never far away. I definitely get a strong case of the 'woe-is-me's at these times.

But I was thinking this morning that sickness is not an interruption to life, it is just part of life. It means switching parenting gears a bit, but it's not an inconvenience, it's part of the main game. A chance to look after my kids, re-prioritise, and simplify as much as possible.

We had our church mum's bookclub last weekend, and a great point came up - God gave us our particular children, for us to look after, and to deal with whatever issues this may bring. They are best off with us, in other words, and we are ideally equipped to look after them, even if we feel inadequate or overwhelmed at times.

I'm not sure if I've expressed that properly, but I've found it a comforting thought this week.

Big Day (week, month, year...)

Hamish turned 3 today. We had lots of fun and he was very excited by all the activity.

I made him a Big Red Car cake - which turned out well, although I should say it looked better than it tasted!

I also wrote him a special prayer. I've printed it out and will hang it up in his room. I think it's important that he know he's special and that that means more than just getting presents and eating cake, and I suppose this is a way to show him, and remind him once the birthday is over!

A Prayer for Hamish on his 3^rd Birthday

Dear God,

Thank you for our beautiful boy Hamish. We're so glad you brought him into our family three years ago.

Thank you that he is so energetic, inquisitive and fun.

As he grows this year, please help him learn to trust you and to live your way.

Help him learn to do the right thing, and to seek forgiveness when he needs to.

Please protect him and keep him safe, and build him up in his knowledge of you.

Thank you that you love Hamish even more than we do, and gave your son Jesus for his sake.

In Jesus name,

Amen

Mr No No

This is a recent conversation I had with Hamish:

Me: Ok, we're going to get up and have breakfast.

H: No.

Me: Do you want toast?

H: No.

Me: Porridge?

H: No.

Me: Oh well. Can you put your dressing gown on?

H: No.

This pattern repeats itself a number of times, until I say:

"Is your name No No?"

H: No!

Brain dump

I had vague plans to come on here this evening and write a few things, but now I'm here I'm drawing a big fat blank. So here is a random brain dump of the thoughts I've had swirling around my tired mind today:

Old friends are such an encouragement. I've had a good long chat with an old friend this week, and another has started blogging, and there's just something special about reconnecting with people who've known you for a long time. I should make the effort more often to keep in touch.

I need to reassess (again!) what I think is realistic around the house. I think I should be able to manage a house, but really - with two kids, both demanding my attention more often than not, it's hard going sometimes. So my new plan is to relax about the housework, and enjoy spending time with the kids more. Let's face it - I never get all the work done anyway, so I can either be stressed about it, and not get it done, or relaxed and not get it done! Second option sounds better to me.

Social expectations (real or imagined!) have a lot of power. Can be hard to weed them out. Current ones I'm negotiating include how much to spend on birthday presents for my kids, how clean my house should be, and what to aim for with sleep expectations for the kids. I lack confidence sometimes, even though I do usually make the choices that suit me best.

Not sleeping at night

I can really relate to this post, and it's quite funny too. It's not identical to what goes on here (eg Adam is a light sleeper) but the kids, and the cats...all sounds very familiar!

Food intolerances

The journey to unravel Michael's food intolerances is continuing - we suspect tomato as well as gluten. It isn't hard to eat gluten free, but it can be challenging to stick to it 24/7. It does make a noticable difference to Michael though so I'm happy to do it. It's healthier for sure anyway - less carbs and more home cooking, vegies etc.

Next step is to test how he reacts to tomato after a week off any foods high in glutomates (brocolli, processed meats, fermented goods, meat pies - a rather random list!) and then to give it a few weeks to let his gut become more healthy, and we can start trying to introduce different foods that contain gluten to test how sensitive he is to it. Some people can eat oats and barley, but not wheat, for example. )

Footwear barometer

Introducing the McCann Footwear Scale - a barometer of how a parent is coping, measured by the child's footwear. The parental state of mind deteriorates the further down the list you go:


Clean, matching socks and shoes that fit (gold star parenting).

Matching socks and shoes that fit (quite pleased with oneself).

Mismatched socks and shoes that fit (no-one will notice!).


Mismatched socks and shoes that fit, but that look really weird or completely inappropriate (like the strange ones brought back from Vietnam with unidentified superhero logo on them).

Mismatched socks and shoes that are too large/small (clown feet, anyone?).

Matching socks, no shoes (ok for car trips where child will not leave vehicle or stroller. Or daycare. Or quick walk down the road. Or when you just can't be bothered.).


Mismatched socks, no shoes (See above. Walk quickly and hope you don't see anyone you know).


Unwashed, mismatched socks. (Shoes have disappeared. Tell people the kid dressed themselves).

One sock. (Best to give up now).

Bare feet.

Staying home!

Easter

It's been another quiet month on the blog...a sign of life being very busy in the real world. We've had a lot of sickness lately - coughs and sniffles, and I was just recovering when I gave myself food poisoning last weekend and went downhill again. Add in the usual dose of broken sleep and well, I am exhausted!

Still - we're getting back to manageable now. We enjoyed easter day - Hamish has been learning about both the death and resurrection of Jesus, and the Easter Bunny. Very ecumenical here. I had a lovely moment with him at church this morning, where he started singing along with the congregation during the service - first time he's done that and it felt special! And then they made an easter card in Sunday school, and he 'wrote' a message in it - it was a scribble but when I asked him what it said, he answered 'He died on the cross'.

I had to explain to him that we all celebrate easter at the same time - he thought it was his easter, and we would all have our own on different dates, like birthdays! 

Then it was back home for an easter egg hunt around the front yard, organised by Adam. Hamish had a great time and both boys were keen to get into the chocolate.

10 years On

We visited Mt Tomah Botanical Gardens this weekend, to mark our 10th wedding anniversary. It was a busy and fun day out, and lovely to see the gardens again. 

 

There were lots of these skinks around - this one posed very obligingly!

We had a picnic in the same spot as our wedding ceremony.

Some improvements

Michael and I have been gluten free since Tuesday (so 4 days) and we are seeing some improvements - enough for me to think he does have an intolerance to the stuff. His sleep has been much more settled the last two nights, not nearly as restless, and his nappies - well, let's just say there's more activity in that department than there was previously!

I feel cautiously relieved, and also a bit overwhelmed - I wish so much I'd cottoned on sooner. No wonder the poor kid has had trouble sleeping! He's probably had a belly ache his whole life.

A Spaceman from Planet Hamish

Thoughts on Going From 1 Kid to 2

1. All babies are hard work. Just because you've done it before, doesn't make it less hard work. 
2. It is easier though because you're not on such a steep learning curve re baby stuff. 
3. You are on a different learning curve - how to do family life, and baby care, with another child to look after as well as the older one.
4. Life is busier. You learn how to manage without regular child nap times during the day - being on duty for about 12 hrs a day straight.
5. You have to be more organised and a bit ruthless in what you aim to get done, and what you leave undone.
6. It is easier to work out what to do with Michael aged 1 than it was with Hamish - I know what sorts of toys will entertain him amd I don't have to fill in the hours so much because Hamish provides a lot of fun and activity!
7. The house is already baby proof.
8. Toddlers are still babies in many respects. They still need a lot of attention and help with daily care. I probably underestimated this before having Michael.
9. Although having the first child does dramatically change life, having the second has made it feel more like the family is in full swing. Adam gets involved more in child care and we're adapting our days around the needs of the kids, and are able to do more fun stuff as Hamish gets older too.
10. That's all I can think of for now!

Life This Week

We are all sick. I have a throat infection, Adam feels yuck and exhausted, Hamish had a fever last night and didn't eat anything yesterday, and both boys have runny noses and coughs.

But, strangely enough, we all seem to feel relatively happy. I guess life is good, even when we're not 100%.

So far, we've had a few days gluten free and it's interesting how much healthier we're forced to eat. Lots of vegies, rice and meat, and fruit and yogurt. No sign of improvement in Michael's sleep yet. I'm keeping a food diary for him and me (he and myself??) which might help to pinpoint the issue. Overall I'm thinking he does have some sort of intolerance - it makes sense and makes me feel a bit better about all the sleep problems we've had - something to blame for them I guess!

Peek-a-boo!

Oscar Does The Laundry

Persimmons and Sleep

Our Persimmon tree has some ripening fruit on it. Reminds me of the Keats poem that starts "Season of mists and mellow fruitfulness..."

In other exciting news, Michael may have some sort of gluten intolerance. We don't really know, but apparently it can cause unsettled sleep so we're going to take him off gluten for a week or so and see if it has any effect on his sleep.

We're booked in to go to a residential service at Tresillian in a few weeks' time (stay there for 4 nights) to try to get him into some better patterns instead of waking up every 45 mins - 3 hrs overnight. It hasn't been an easy path to get to this point, but I'm looking forward to getting some extra help with it.

mmm, sweet potato!

Michael is at such a cute age - he's getting into lots of stuff and making us laugh - like this morning when he explored the pantry.

Wonder Woman

I came across this article on the Australian Breastfeeding Association website and quite liked it. Not that I agree with everything in it but it makes good reading!

Michael's Birthday Video

Happy Birthday Michael!

Hmmm well obviously I have been having an unscheduled break from blogging. It's been a busy and tiring couple of months!

Today it's one whole year since Michael was born. He's a beautiful boy and we love him so much.