So what to do?

As you can see, I've found certain aspects of parenting really frustrating and confusing. So what to do - how do I navigate these (for me) uncharted waters and not go completely mental?

The turning point for me was when I realised that:

a) despite my hand-wringing about not being able to achieve the results the books said I should, Hamish was (and is) doing absolutely fine. He's happy, healthy, and getting enough sleep (even if I'm not!).

b) my goals were skewiff. I was busting my gut trying to meet someone else's definition of success for my family. How silly of me! But how easy to do when it's all new to you, and how awfully stressful to not be meeting these goals, and to think that your exhaustion, and your baby's cries, are your fault.

I changed my goals - instead of getting Hamish to meet certain external criteria for a successful day, my goal now is to stay calm. That's it - to do what I need to do to keep things calm for me, Adam and Hamish. It means going with the flow a lot more, and being willing to chuck it all in and ignore the rules if we're having a bad day. I've cut back my out of home commitments, say 'no' to things more, and don't feel guilty for doing what works for me. I set my own standards more, and things are going better. We still have rough days sometimes, and I don't expect that to change, but I don't beat myself up for it anymore.

I feel like God is teaching me a lot through this, but that's for another post, when I've thought about it more!