The Parenting Paradox

This is the paradox of parenting:

1: I am the expert on my child.

2: I have no idea what I'm doing.


Another one could be:

1: No-one knows the answer.

2: Everyone thinks they do.

You know how when you're watching someone do something like put together a piece of Ikea furniture or play a video game, you always think you could do it better than they are? You say something like "here, give it to me and I'll manage it" or "just put this bit in there". The other person may let you take over, and you find it's not as easy as it looked. The square peg won't fit into the round hole, and what you thought was fairly straightforward is in fact almost impossible.

That's how parenting can be.

I've taken an interest in various parenting philosophies and approaches, and have read things that seem very sensible - logical, practical and wise. Then I've tried to implement them - and it's a disaster. I end up feeling like a complete loser because I can't make it work! The problem must be me! (Or at least that's what I have to stop myself thinking.)

Our society does not equip us to parent. We live isolated from extended family, with little day to day interaction with parents if we are not one ourselves. We are taught at school that we can achieve anything we want (as long as it's not to stay at home and raise a family!) We are led to believe that we can control things - our relationships, our fertility, our lives. We do not have a culture that says it's ok to admit you're struggling and don't have it all together. It's a little like the carpark miracle - at home we flail about trying to get through the day, but in public you'd have to cut our heads off before we admitted it.

It has therefore been a rude shock to me how hard it can be to look after an (admittedly adorable) little person. As I discovered fairly early on, it ain't no Huggies ad.