My Love/Hate Relationship with the Idiot Box

Sophia has written a post mentioning the guilt involved in how much tv kids watch these days. I have to admit, this is something I wrestle with most days. I think the issue is that I wish my kids watched less tv, but in reality it's just too hard to get through the day without it. I need the mental break, and the physical break, just to get the basics done ( cooking and laundry, a bit of cleaning).

My current issue of annoyance with the whole situation is the people who write the reports recommending kids under 2 don't watch any tv – because that's all well and good, but seriously – how are we supposed to manage otherwise? The pressure is put on the mothers to somehow do everything with littlies in tow, which is just impossible. Especially on lack of quality sleep. They should suggest other ways of managing down time, instead of just making us all feel bad about relying on the tele.

It's all very well to say that kids do better without tv, but they don't exist in a vacuum – what if I end up resenting them, don't get dinner cooked, the house is a bombsite (well, more than it usually is anyway!) and I'm going crazy for lack of mental space, meaning I turn into a grumpy mum and wife? Surely it's better overall if they watch some tv while I try to get things under control around the house and clear my head.

I've decided tv can be a good thing when used wisely. I've started putting it on at 8.30am when Sesame Street is running, and I use the half hour to read my bible and pray, and take my various vitamins. I figure if I spent this time looking after myself, it will give me energy and perspective to manage the rest of the day wisely. I also usually put the tv on at the end of the day when I'm getting dinner ready, or running around tidying up, getting ready for baths etc.

It's when the hours in front of the screen creep up to 2 or 3 hours a day that I regret the situation – but as Sophia notes, sometimes you just do what you have to do. A pity that our society isolates families the way it does, meaning there are less people around to share the load of child rearing. And on balance, I know my kids have a pretty good life. A bit of tv doesn't change that.

But still, I wish I could do without quite as much of it!

Health Update

I thought it would be sensible to use some of my time on the train home from work (around once a fortnight) to write my blog posts – gives me a chance to get things down in writing and means all I have to do at home is to post them up.

So, here is an update on Michael's health issues. He's 20 months old now, the same age Hamish was when Michael was born. It's a bit of a spin out! Although much of the last 20 months has been very hard work for everyone in the family, it is becoming easier to enjoy the good bits and ride out the bad.

So – we eventually discovered that Michael reacts to glutamates, a natural chemical found in a variety of foods. Although he doesn't do too well on lots of gluten, it was the glutamates causing the real problems. It took six months to sort out, by a process of trial and error and elimination.

Now that we know what to avoid, life is much easier. He doesn't wake constantly at night, unable to get comfortable. He doesn't get constipated. He has a healthy appetite. He settles easily to sleep and is no longer woken by the slightest noise.

He is still waking regularly at night, because he hasn't had much practise at sleeping alone. By regularly, I mean every 2 – 4 hours. His first long stretch of an evening recently went from 3 to 4 hours, which to me, is the most exciting thing to happen in a long while! I'm confident he will continue to gradually improve, and my sleep is already becoming less and less affected.

When I think back now to how life was before we sorted out the food intolerance issue, I want to cry. I have a strong sense of frustration and almost desperation when I remember how hard it was. Particularly trying to get him to develop good sleep habits – I now know I had no chance given the sort of diet we used to eat, but at the time I tried and tried and tried to get him to self settle, without putting him through controlled crying. (Incidentally, I'm now very glad I didn't push that as all it would have done was cause us both great distress, and not fix anything.) It felt like a problem I couldn't solve, but had to – because the impact on everyone in the family was quite negative. It was a hard road to walk, just exhausting and unrelenting. And if not for a chance comment by our doctor, we might not have figured it out even now.

These days, I am often still worn out but I can see signs that it is getting better and I'm trying to build up my own health after so long of pushing myself. I'm taking a raft of vitamin supplements and am cutting back on breastfeeding – not weaning completely but limiting the number of times I feed Michael during the day.

I have to do more cooking than before – I make healthy, gluten free pancakes for breakfast most mornings, and I usually have to cook something for lunch – can't do sandwiches for Michael as gluten free bread is expensive and doesn't taste all that great. We rarely have takeaway. We can't have meals that have tomato or sauces in them (eg soy sauce is a big no-no, as is gravy). It's all manageable, although more labour intensive than before. Totally worth it for a healthy kid though!

And as for the little guy himself – he is a happy kid, most of the time! He has plenty of energy and loves exploring his world and having a laugh. He eats with great gusto and loves getting our attention at the dinner table. He often laughs as he eats his dinner, because he's done something to make Adam and I look at him. He is sometimes clingy (seemed to be very clingy all winter!) but more often than not, a snack will satisfy him and he's happy to potter around the house. He knows how to get what he wants though – he screeches! He is very demanding (as all toddlers are), and it's up to us to set limits around him as he tests out his growing independence.

Overall, life is much more enjoyable now and I'm relieved to be able to move forward. I still don't think I'm recovered from the experience but we're on the right track.